I’m Done

As I sat in the dark, trying to rock my infant to sleep, one question rolled through my mind.

“Do I like being a mother?”

As I reflect on the evening that came after a crappy night of sleep, I now realize the question was less about liking motherhood and more about realizing my angst was simply from a bad evening that had quickly gone downhill, starting with my attempt to cook dinner.

Typically I don’t fry food. Can you see where this is going? But tonight I was going to appeal to my husband’s taste buds.

I put the oil in the pan to heat up and turned around to cut up the green beans. Well, I must have been chopping those green beans too long because my oil started smoking. To cool it down I tried to move the pan off the burner but the oil spilled over and POOF!

There was a fire on my stove! Did y’all hear me? I said, I STARTED A FIRE!

While I knew not to use water on the grease fire I didn’t know that I shouldn’t blow on it. (My mom confirmed this after the fact.) POOF! THE FIRE GOT BIGGER!

I screamed and frantically searched for the fire extinguisher underneath the sink, knocking everything else out of the way. Somewhere in the background I heard my husband ask what was wrong. Guess I screamed louder than I thought.

FIRE!” I yelled up to him.

Still unable to locate the extinguisher, I turned back to the stove. The fire had gone down but now a piece of paper next to the stove had partially ignited; I threw it in the sink and turned on the water. Thankfully, when I turned my attention back to the fire, it had gone out. This is further confirmation that God is always looking out for me because I seriously could have burned down my house.

By now, my husband (with a sleeping baby in his arms) and our oldest had appeared and were staring at me. I explained what happened while somehow keeping my voice steady. The oldest seemed unfazed. The husband seemed baffled and irritated and told me not to fry anything else.

Left alone in the kitchen, I finished dinner by baking the pork chops but I really should have called for a pizza because I screwed up the green beans too. I’m still trying to figure out how they got fried (aka soaked in oil). Then the baby woke up fussy. I managed to get her to sleep so that I could eat a late dinner but the sleep was short-lived because her nap lasted 20 minutes. I repeat, 20 minutes.

While rocking her back to sleep the oldest came in and we enjoyed good conversation until she got upset and left the room because she was reminded that she will not be having a birthday party next year. Listen, I’m all for celebrating another year but she need not have not one more party! Growing up I had two birthday parties. My husband had one party and her father had none. She has had 13 straight parties. I’d say that’s plenty.

Baby still wouldn’t sleep so I tried another route and went to sit in my bedroom with her. After 30 minutes of wrestling she fell asleep for the night. Now it was my time but my time consisted of taking out the dog, cleaning up my mess from dinner, showering and praying for patience. I was completely out of it when I got in the bed and apparently exhaustion followed me into the next morning because when my husband said goodbye on his way to work, I told him goodnight.

That night, he covered dinner.

Later that week I took inventory of the number of good days I’d had versus the number of bad. The good days certainly outnumbered the bad, for the most part, but that’s a whole ‘nother post.

Although I already knew, this was my reminder that anytime there is a change in your household you have to accept that everyone affected will need an adjustment period. A 4-person household is the new normal for all of us. There will be great days and there will be days that steal all of my energy and mental reserve but as the saying goes, “Joy cometh in the morning.”

I do love being the mother of a teenager even when she’s not talking to me. I love being the mother of an infant even when she’s fussy and refuses to be put down. Bad days are inevitable and I’m not at my wit’s end. I’m simply tired. This is my crew and I’m blessed to be leading the charge with my hubbae.

If you’ve been feeling out of whack it could be from a change in your household. See if any of these fit your situation.

  • new family addition
  • loss of family member
  • household move
  • new job
  • school or grade change
  • change in family status
  • illness

If they do, an adjustment may need to be made in how things are accomplished around your home. Try writing out your ideal view of how your household should flow and if needed, talk it over with family members. Your flow should include who does what and when things should be completed. Keep in mind that it may not always be followed but having it written out will relieve some stress.

Last, but not least, if you need a break, schedule one.

2 Responses to “I’m Done

  • I’m sending virtual hugs your way. I think us moms have all been there. Whether our kids are older or younger, it doesn’t matter. We put our kids first and that does take a toll. In the end our exhaustion is worth it when we see our children growing up before our eyes, beautiful and happy. Hang in there momma. You got this 🙂

  • Oh wow, what a day! Being a mom is so tough. Hugs

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